News

Jen Reisinger, MA, LMHC

When sudden, traumatic, or violent events occur, parents may be unsure how to share information with their children. There may be questions about what to share, how much is age-appropriate, and how to answer the inevitable questions that will follow. 

Why should I share information with my child?

By sharing information proactively with your child, you are able to help define facts, answer questions, and assist your child in coping with the knowledge of the events that have transpired. You continue to demonstrate that you are a trusted source of information and available to discuss even the most difficult things. Your child is also reminded that although they may have heard the news through school, social media, or other sources, you believe it is important enough to have a direct conversation with them about it. 

Where do I begin?

It can be overwhelming to know where to begin when a sudden or violent event has occurred. As adults, we often struggle with the events that have taken place, so it makes sense that it would be challenging to translate this into age-appropriate information. The first place to begin is with yourself. Take a moment to process what has happened and to feel the feelings associated with that. You might feel angry, sad, fearful, confused, or worried. Give yourself the time to take care of yourself in the moment and get extra support if you need it. 

It is helpful to gauge what a child already knows about the situation. Children may hear things in the school environment, or via news sources or social media. It can also be revealing when a child doesn’t know much about the event. Often, families can open this conversation by asking, “Have you heard about anything going on in the world right now?” 

What do I tell my child?

When determining what to share with your child or teen, consider what you believe he or she needs to know. Prepare yourself with an updated understanding of the events. What you will share will likely be specific facts about what occurred, such as the location, the event, the result, and what is happening right now. Each of these can be tailored to your child’s age. 

Example: “Thank you for sharing with me what you’ve heard. I want to tell you what I know and then try to answer the questions you have. The most important thing I want you to know is that you’re safe, and I’m here to talk with you about this anytime. [Event] has occurred in [place]. While more information is being learned, we do know that [facts of the event]. Unfortunately, that means that [impacts of the event, such as injuries or fatalities]. Right now [how those impacted are being helped]. 

Remember that you do not need to know everything to provide information to your child. Because there is often much speculation, uncertainty, and sometimes misinformation around sudden events, consider reminding your child that while there is some information now, more information will be learned over the coming days. If your child asks a question that you don’t know the answer to, say so. You might say, “I need to learn more about that, and I’m going to follow up with you,” and then be sure to follow through. 

After sharing the facts, what do I say?

After providing your child with the factual information, assure your child that while more information is being gathered about the event, safety plans, and precautions are in place to help protect those impacted. It is also helpful to assure your child about how you and other important people help protect your local community. 

Ask your child what further questions they have. This allows your child to set the pace for additional information that they believe they need to know. It is possible you might not know the answers to their questions, and it is okay to say so. Ask your child if it would feel helpful to talk about the events again when you know more information. Respect your child’s decisions and remind them how they can get support when they need it. 

For children who share a cultural or religious identity with those impacted in the world event or have family and other ties to the area impacted, it is important to pay careful attention to how the child is coping. In circumstances where there is a rise in hate or bias during or following world events, it is important to check in with your child, empower them with tools to recognize and report incidents directed at them or others and collaborate with their educational environment to build safety at school. 

Discuss with youth (and adults) who utilize social media or read the news online the ways this can be helpful and in what instances it can be harmful. When people engage with social media, they often receive a cascade of information that may leave them feeling powerless and with disturbing images or headlines. Consider limiting screen time and media coverage. When we are feeling out of control and helpless, one of the most powerful ways we can support ourselves is by engaging with something we have agency over. This could be as small as taking mindful deep breaths, taking a walk, or engaging with a community agency supporting those impacted by the world event. 

Now what?

Continue to serve as a role model to your child for how to respond to these events. This may mean being open about your own feelings about the event and encouraging your child to share with you about their feelings. Model ways of caring for yourself and help your child to do the same. Model mindful management of news coverage. Reach out to your child’s support community if you are concerned about them.